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A Smooth Move:
Wirral & Chester
...the Firm that lives up to its name!!
SURVEYOR JOKES
Thanks to the follwing site for these.
http://www.alanhenderson.org/Jokes-AEC.htm
Joke supplied by Clinton Gallagher - from AutoCAD discussion group
Responsibilities -
* Draftsmen draft the toilet partitions.
* Designers determine which color of toilet paper to use in the stalls.
* Specification Writers determine which brand of toilet paper will be used.
* Architects argue about using single-ply or double-ply then have to hire an engineer to make the decision for them.
* CAD Managers keep the stalls supplied with toilet paper and wipe up after everybody's mess.
Unknown Author - from internet
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The man below says: "Yes you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field between 40 & 41 degrees latitude and 120 and 124 degrees West longitude."
"You must be an Architect," says the balloonist.
"I am" replies the man. "How did you know?"
"Well" says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's of absolutely no use to me and I still don't know where I am."
The man below says, "You must be a contractor."
"Well yes" replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well", says the man, "You don't know where you are or where you're going. You've made a promise that you can't keep, but now you expect me to solve your problem. You're in the same position as you were before we met, but now it's my fault."
Alan Henderson - Note: this is a visual joke (text in parenthesis is to be performed)
A young woman gets hired to an all male survey crew. The men decide to give the woman a hard time, so they revert back to using hand signals to communicate. On the first day, the woman is standing around the truck, when the crew chief who is 100 feet away uses the following hand signals -
(Puts right hand horizontally above eyes, looks left and right, puts hand and arm down by his side, then does an up-down motion with the hand while elbow at side)
The woman shrugs her shoulders, walks to the crew chief, and says "I don't understand that signal".
The crew chief says "Where is the hammer"?
The woman walks back to the truck, finds the hammer, takes it back to the chief, and then walks back to the truck.
A few minutes later, the chief signals -
(Puts right hand horizontally above eyes, looks left and right, puts arm straight above his head, then moves his whole arm left and right)
The woman guesses the crew chief is playing tricks on her and decides to give the following signal -
(Points finger to eye, grabs her left breast, points to her butt and then grabs her crotch).
The chief is totally confused, so he repeats the "where is the flag" signal.
The woman repeats the same signal -
(Points finger to eye, grabs her left breast, points to her butt and then grabs her crotch).
Now the crew chief is mad, so he waves the woman over and asks "What the heck was that signal"?
The woman repeats the signal as she responds "I, left it, in, the box"
Author Unknown -
An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer -- you're in the wrong place." So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy. One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?" Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next." God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake--he should never have gotten down there; send him up here." Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him." God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue." Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
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